Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Bay of Blood
1 Hanging
1 death by Knife stabbing,
1 completely naked female swimmer
1 Slash to the throat death
1 two for one death of a love making couple by spear
1 Machete to the Face. 1 Strangulation with a phone cord
1 Beheading 1 barehanded strangulation
1 death by spearing against the wall
1 death by scissors
Highly recommended. Not only because its an excellent movie but also to see where many of todays slasher movies got their influence. And an awesome ending.
Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned
1Breast shot
1 SImulated oral sex Death by man eating breasts ( not as cool as you might think)
1 fight with intestines
1 Beheading
2 neck bites Death by ass stabbing
Thats about it. You can leave this one off your que folks its not hardly worth the disk it is written on. Even the gore was disappointing and the CGI was just plain aweful....not funny haha aweful just bad.
The Devils Plaything
Ah yes if there was a movie that summed up sexploitation well it would be this film. Course it was written and directed by one of the pioneers of the this style of movie. It is put in the category of horror but soft core porn would be more fitting. Its a movie that would be played on Midnights on Skinemax...I mean Cinemax , not that I ever would watch cinemax at this time of night as a teen. anyway this movie has it all Breasts, vampires, lesbian vampires, breasts, mild incest themes, did I mention breasts. The acting is okay but you get the feeling that the writer/director had tried his hardest , pardon the pun, to have four hot women naked for most of a movie. The plot of a lesbian vampire trying to come back from the grave with the help of her servants while interesting and has potential ended up being an excuse to show hot naked women ...alot. The whole incestual sub plot was an interesting twist so far as I did not see it coming. Like many movies of this type from that era there is a lot of jumping around in the editing that makes it hard at times to keep the characters straight and what is happening. Many of scenes do not have anything said or done in them that would naturally explain the scene after. Now the entire film is not like this but a good half of it is. I understand that there are budget and time restraints but even tossing a line in saying...hey lets go explore the woods would be helpful, rather than having people talk about dinner in one scene and suddenly boom we are in the woods. There was also a random shot of a Candle shaped penis that looked a little too realistic. Anyway if your looking for a movie about a naked lesbian vampire controling naked women and making them get off is hot then Devils Plaything is for you: the run down.
1 - title breast shot many many breast shots
1 sex scene in a stable 4 full frontal nude scenes
1 Penis candle
2 female masturbation scenes
1 Bats remove a womans clothes
Did I mention breast shots
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead
13 breast shots including Musical number with 8 topless women
1 penis shot
1 death by zombie hand through the ass
1 extreme diarea shit covered walls scene
1 death by meat grinder
1 Severed penis
1 death while having sex with zombie chicken carcass
1 death by turning into Zombie chicken egg
2 Beheadings
2 death by disembowling
1 face ripped off
1 death by face through deli meat slicer
1 death by fry vat
1 set of deep fried testicles
1 death by wish bone treatment
1 death by chicken nuggets
multiple zombie deaths
SO if your looking to get your fill of zombies and gore but your significant other is looking for a romantic musical, why not rent this film and get both. It gets the 3 severed heads rating.
Donkey Punch
Johnny Sunshine
1 Death by gut stab
1 tongue removal by pliers while having sex
1 Death by wire choking
2 Throats eaten
2 Neck Stabbing
1 sex sceen with zombie with ending head bashing
1 Naked Girl killed by Crowbar sex
1 Zombie Castration by recipocating saw
2 Zombie deaths by being beaten in the head
1 Pipe to the head
1 rape scene
1 Death by Television
While it is the best out of the three movies I have seen from Brain Damage Pictures I would not recommend it for anyone who is not a fan of the EXTREME underground horror movie and torture porn
The Trailer Park of Terror
Gotta love the review of 2000 maniacs Love a song with the words "I bet that bitch can turn a crank. Make a dead man cum like a sherman tank"
As always here is my run down of the film.
1 death by impalement on an iron fence
Multiple gunshot deaths
1 rabbit guttin
1 beheading
1death by crushed sternum
1 Arm Decapitation
1 Death by intestine eaten
1 Death by Compressed air
1 Skined and cooked alive torture sceen
1 Vehicular Homicide.
ITs worth a rental or adrop in the que if your looking for some zombie entertainment. But if you do rent it you need to also rent 2000 Maniacs and even 2001 Maniacs to make it truely a Hillbilly hoe down of the Living Dead. Hey thats kinda catchy title.
Tresspassers
The Raven....Your defending yourself you coward
The Devils Backbone.
WRESTLEMANIAC
Dead Snow.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Foreign Film Review: The Tears of the Black Dragon
There is one part where their is a wicked shoot out with some over the top action. One of the stunts is so over the top the movie stops and asks if you want to see that again so you can catch all the action that happened in slow mo. Classic.
The costuming ranges from old west to 50s teen. Some of the camera work reminds me of the old 50's romance films while the oddly filtered colors help bring emotion to the scene.
I recommend this film for the spaghetti western lovers and also to those who enjoy a good foreign action comedy romance. Similar movies of this style are Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle, to excellent and must see comedies.
3 and a half stubs
Movie Review: Brotherhood of Blood
It is low budget which I came to expect. Nothing wrong with that at all and the F/X they did with the budget were decent. I just couldn't get into it as much as I would have liked. I tried but the movie seemed to drag for a bit and the directing just could have been better. The music was decent but the Audio left something to be desired. The whole scene with a captured vampire was handled well.
It seemed at times Sid was less than enthusiastic to be there. I guess it may be tough going from the higher budgeted Devils Rejects to this. Again its a movie that was kind of just there. I don't hate it but then again I don't really like it either.
Its ok for a rental for a night if you are looking for a different type of Vampire movie. This one has a nice taste of Noir to it as well. There is a twist at the end which I didn't see coming so that did help get an extra half of a stub.
It gets 2 Stubs
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Review: Red Mist
Acting is a bit too cliché and add that with a story based on a theme that has been told many times before and what you get is Freakdog a.k.a. Red Mist. Now its another one of those movies that just trys to hard. Perhaps with some tweaking and some better actors this movie could have been more I don't know better. The gore was ok for a movie of this type. They tried to get creative with the death scenes but they fall short there as well. Its funny because these actors have been in better projects, at least the girls have. There is one make ya jump scene but other than that there are now really like scarey parts.
The Tally
1 breast shot
1 death by car door clubbing
1 death by Toliet bowl cleaner acid
1 death by a means I have no idea happened
1 death by a stab to the throat.
1 death by hammer.
1 death by defibulator to the head.
Not really a movie I would recommend. For the Gore whores out there you will be dissappointed, it will not fullfill the craving of the fear addict, and in general you get yourself an ok horror film that could have been more.
1 1/2 stubs
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Columbus Day
Ah Columbus Day . Not exactly a day you would title a movie with, well at least not an "Action Movie with Heart" as the synopsis calls it. While there are a number of action scenes the movie isn't really a full on action film. But then again it is not a full feel good movie either. The feeling I got from this movie was that it could not make up its mind what it wanted to be. You never really grow to like Val Kilmer's character, John Cologne, to care enough about him. They open the movie showing him to be a bit of a badass criminal and then they want you to feel bad for him that he still carries a torch for his ex and his daughter wants nothing to do with him. This is explored in a series of flashbacks and phone calls that Val's character makes while waiting in a park. Literally that is what he is doing for most of the movie, walking in a park. In between phone calls, he is exchanging dialog with a young boy who appears to almost live in the park. Now the only real reason this movie is called Columbus day of course is because its on the day of the same name. I guess Hollywood ran out of major holidays. Course there is also dialog about columbus between John and his Drug dealer buddy Max,played by Wilmer Valderrama, you know Fez on that 70's show. Looks like he is trying to break away from that role and he does a good job of it as you hardly recognize its him in the film.
The way this movie is edited is what I think helps in me not liking the movie as much as I could have. By doing it all in flashbacks is a popular way for you to find thing out about the characters, for this film it doesn't work. While the dialog with the kid is very touching and well directed, the interlacing of these scenes with the action ones was very awkward. I think if the movie had been in the hands of a different director this movie could have actually seen the light of the big screen. Its just a movie that doesn't quite make it. Had they gone almost completely with Val and the kid talking and the phone calls in between I think it would have helped. We didn't exactly need to see the flashbacks. In the end the movie didn't seem to know what to focus on and it ended up not focusing on anything.
I give it 2 stubs.
PS I want to know what cell phone battery John Cologne is using because it lasts for hours.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
What The Frak Review: Zombies Gone Wild
Click the link for cast information and such. Lets get to the Brass Tacks.
This movie by far was one of worst Zombie Movies I have scene in a long time. I went into the movie with low expectations and found out I needed to lower them further. Why you may ask. Well the movie discription deems this movie as a Zombie Parody of the Girls Gone Wild series but its not...not even close. Fantasia has more flesh showing in it then this Film.
With Zombie in the title you would expect to see lots of zombies...which you do, 1 hour and 4 mins approximately into the movie.
The audio in the movie is poor, even for a low budget film of this nature. I appreciate people who make movies with little to no budget. It takes a lot of effort to do even the simplest project. To do it well takes alot more effort than was put into this film. Now while most of the movie was a nothing but Poop, Pee , and puke jokes, the last 20 mins does actually pick up. That of course the part of the movie that actually has zombies in it. The camera work was well done, Zombie F/X were really good and they had actual stunts which were well done, this was a pleasent surprise. If it wasn't for the first hour and 4 min of this movie it would actually have higher praise from me, unfortunately that part is there.
On the DVD they have a behind the scenes footage where you see they actually had a whole production crew, pro Lighting, Boom, basically a semi pro setup for the film. It still looks like it was shot from a single handy cam, again until the zombie part of the the film.
If your looking for a zany, zombie filled comedy then you can avoid this film but If you don't mind sitting through the first hour of the film ...the last third of the film makes up for it....well almost.
Final Verdict
1 ticket stub ( aka worth a dollar rental as long as alcohol is involved when watching it)